What Death Could Never Take
by Pikachu Ate My Muffin
Summary: Christa is in limbo, but death is not yet a battle that she is willing to lose. Present day AU. [YumiKuri, one-shot.]


**AN: Ayyyy, another one-shot. I started writing this late one night when I couldn't sleep, then finally finished it a few days ago. I put editing off as well, but I did it *relieved sigh* I think I'll call this my summer of yumikuri, because this is like, my fourth one-shot this summer. I have another one that I need to edit and upload after this :p At least I did _something_ with my time though, lol.**

 **Edit: Small typo fixes.**

* * *

 _What Death Could Never Take_

* * *

" _Did we ever get a happy ending?"_ I thought, staring at the wide cinema screen that flashed with every image, every memory, of my lifespan.

On and on the filmed rolled, replaying each singular second at light speed. I absorbed it all, too many questions arising with each new answer. I learned who I had been, what I'd become. Everyone I loved, and how I had lost all of them. _All of them_.

But during the final years, there was someone. A single person with a name that was blocked out by a loud chiming. I swore I knew it. Why couldn't I remember?

Small clangs resounded every time her name left my mouth. Nothing.

The angel in the plush seat beside me, the only other soul among the dozens of theater chairs, watched in reverence. She had been present for all of it, which she had revealed upon my arrival to this… _place._ Apparently it was a midway between the world I've known and the afterlife. It was limbo, I suppose, though much less intense than you'd imagine.

"No one gets a 'happy ending,' love" the ethereal being answered. Her glittering form seemed to constantly be reshaping itself. "Although I can admit that yours was considerably tragic. I knew the deadline, yet it still hurt to witness. I suppose it's an understandable emotion when you've been with one girl for the entire seventeen years of her lifespan."

The film made a clicking noise when a year ended. It marked the beginning of another chapter in my life. The dull thrum of the movie playing onward, accompanied by the occasional _click_. It was therapeutic. I felt myself relaxing as time waned further. I melted into my seat as my thoughts slowly turned to static.

"There was something wrong with me" I observed as we drew nearer to the end. The nameless girl and I grew closer. Then the world around us seemed to drift further. It felt colder.

The angel sighed, her body of light jolting with the action. "They thought something was wrong with you. Humans like to make assumptions on their own accord, and blame it on us. Why can't they explain their own lack of sense? _Why_ would we create someone we thought needed to be fixed?" She snorted. " _Humans_. And here I thought they were made in the image of perfection."

The images were beginning to flicker now, as if the film was malfunctioning. Tiny black spots dotted the screen, randomly blocking parts of the past. "No, stop. Don't cover her face" I muttered, gingerly struggling to stand. I reached out toward the screen, feeling a strong urge to touch her. But she wasn't here. It was just an image, I reminded myself. And then the nameless girl's mouth opened. She was shouting something. It was directed at me. She looked sad; no, scared.

"What's my name?" I asked, understanding what the girl had been calling out so desperately.

"You've already forgotten" the angel concluded, a solemn note in her voice. "According to that world, you are Historia."

"No. What did _she_ call me?" I whispered, eyes darting across the ever-shifting visuals.

"Christa. She called you Christa."

"You can't tell me her name as well?"

"If I do, you will not be capable of moving on."

"What if I don't want to move on?" I questioned at a raised volume. The cement theater floor cracked the slightest. The sound was immensely loud. The rapidly moving film buzzed in my eardrums like midsummer cicadas.

The angel appeared startled, and I immediately understood that this wasn't going as she had planned.

"You need to. Your time is done."

"I had time left. What is the human lifespan? I can't have been remotely near the maximum."

Her vague formed jolted again, as if it was malfunctioning as well. It possibly reflected a spike in emotion. "You're so far into the process, yet you still demand answers that you will inevitably forget? I knew you were a fighter, but not to this extent."

"The process?" I echoed, the screen above only growing blurrier. There were too many dark blotches obscuring the image. _What did she look like? Why can't I remember?_ The buzzing was dramatically increasing in volume, as if to block out my raging mind. But I struggled through the murky waters that my consciousness had become, attempting to make sense of it all. Then as the realization hit me, a sharp pain exploded within my ribcage. I reeled back while clutching at my chest.

"To die is to forget" I stated breathlessly.

The angel stood, sharp flashes of light protruding from her body. She was like a lightning storm without the promise of a cooling rain.

"I'm losing every memory. What was my name again? What was _her_ name?" I muttered frantically. "Why can't you tell me?" I screamed the last statement, a violent fire now burning where the pain had erupted.

"To die is to forget" I chanted, swiveling around to examine the room. My body hurt and my lungs were suddenly constricting. Oxygen felt scarce, although mere moments ago I had been perfectly comfortable.

"To die is to forget. Don't forget" I shouted, still glancing around in fright. I had to escape. _I had to see her._ "Don't forget!" I wailed, silent tears streaming down my flushed cheeks. The angel remained stoic, perhaps unsure of how to handle the situation.

"How do I get out of here?" I demanded, pacing and choking on anxious sobs. "To die is to forget. Don't forget. Don't forget." The screen behind began to slow to a halt as the film reached its end. Yet the image became gradually clearer. The last thing I had seen in my life was her petrified face. I could just barely see it now. "Don't forget."

There was a crackling noise that sounded from the first row of seats. The angel rose gracefully, shifting to stare me down with eyes of changing colors. "Historia, you wretched, difficult girl" she stated in an unreadable monotone. "I'd expect nothing less of a soul that I brought up."

She extended her glowing arm and faced the unmoving screen. "By the authority of those who I cannot question, your deadline has been extended." Promptly after the words left her lips, a thin sword popped into existence within her grasp. She took two measured steps forward, and raised the blade. With a single, precise movement, she cut the screen in half. Then the angel threw the sword up, and it vanished in a cloud of glittering dust. She pushed aside the remaining halves of the screen, the thick white fabric rustling with the movement.

"You may leave" she instructed, nodding toward the gap she had created.

I cautiously stepped forward, unsure whether she could be trusted. Then again, where else had I to go? "Don't forget" I mumbled once more to myself in a steadfast assurance. Then I simply nodded, and faced the room's single opening.

Beyond the fabric was not a wall. Instead, quite surprisingly, it was a plane of water, light streaming through the depths from an undetectable source. Small fish fluttered by in groups, and I looked back at the angel to affirm that this was the correct exit.

"I do not make mistakes" she answered before I could even ask. "Now go. Someone is waiting for you on the other side."

* * *

When I dove into the ethereally blue waters, the light source seemed to be straight ahead. But as I continued to swim, the surface could no longer be distinguished. Luckily, my oxygen wasn't running out for a reason I didn't even want to comprehend.

As I floated amidst the water that felt like a pleasantly warm nothingness beneath my fingertips, the light rays started to waver. They created softly colored images, more memories from my life playing before my eyes. The flashbacks moved slower now, however. I had more time to truly think them over, and best of all, remember.

My mother's strained face wavered into my line of sight, her lips set in that usual thin line. _"You're dating a girl?"_ She'd asked in disbelief, voice hoarse. She sounded far away. And then the memory faded into another. She was less judgmental in this one, more compassionate and gentle. _"Don't listen to your father. He doesn't think clearly these days."_ Then finally, _"Break up with her, Christa. Find a girl who will treat you right."_ She appeared more confident. Her hair was shorter. She seemed… Sort of happy in this new state.

Pushing forward, I witnessed new friendships grow and fade within time; people constantly entering and leaving my life. I wistfully watched my childhood friend, Sasha, set off for a new high school.

I smiled a bit when applause erupted at my graduation, volleyball teammates joining me in a group hug. I lost contact with every one of them during college.

Eventually I found a group of university friends, and then a girlfriend. One who treated me right. Her deep laughter resounded in my ears as she leaned over a kitchen counter. _"I told you Vodka was strong."_ That must've been the first time I tried taking a shot. That shit burned all the way down my throat.

And then there were so many memories of us kissing, sweet yet with a measured ferocity. We were so happy for years, so incredibly complete. Then as I kept swimming, instead of the images reforming, they simply stopped. _We broke up,_ I vaguely recalled. We spent nearly a year apart before eventually falling back into each other like lost raindrops on the asphalt.

Much of what followed had been blurred and blotched during the limbo movie, so I was breathless upon witnessing some of those moments in brighter and clearer color.

There was the day we leased our first apartment together. The day we adopted a dog. A few casual dates in between. Years passed by in a sort of domestic bliss, until finally, she proposed.

It was snowing and her eyelashes were already wet. Then she knelt down, and I could distinctly hear the crunch of the previous day's snow giving under her weight. And then I was crying, face incredibly red, both eyes and nose running. We'd been outside for quite a while, walking toward a Christmas display at a local park. _I remember it so vividly,_ I thought in euphoric relief.

Even as my fingers glided through the silky water, I felt them go numb and rigid, just as they had been that evening. When I enthusiastically said yes, I couldn't even slip the ring on until we got home, due to the necessity of my mittens.

As I swam onward, I expected to witness our wedding. Surely it should have followed not too long after. Rather than experiencing a joyous day such as that, however, the water simply reflected us holding hands. Then the view focused on a pride flag hanging on an old brick building. We were out on a date night, having fun with some community members. Then it all went wrong.

We were just on our way out of the gay bar when the evening ended. Suddenly a man with suspiciously heavy and dark clothing approached the building. It was late June. He shouldn't have been bundled up like that, covering his entire body and most of his face. I felt that same heavy weight in my chest as I had that night. I witnessed myself mutter something to my fiancé, a concerned expression dawning on my features. And then his eyes shifted to our intertwined fingers.

It all happened so fast, or at least I thought it had in the moment. But as the situation was played back to me through the ripples in the water's flow, I saw that it started with him mumbling. It led to shouting. He was yelling at us. He pulled out the gun and-

One shot. Two. I didn't feel anything, but _she_ looked terrified. With my instincts kicking in, I threw myself in his path and screamed into the bar to lock the doors, call the police. Those nearby scrambled to help.

I saw my blood soak into my shirt. _She_ frantically tried to halt the bleeding while two more people were shot outside the doors. One got hit in the arm, and the other had his side grazed. They managed to subdue the perpetrator as I continued to bleed out on the pavement.

What I hadn't realized back then was that the first bullet missed me. Luckily no one else was in that particular line of fire. The second, however, hit me in the abdomen. The memory faded away momentarily.

Most of this had been obscured by a black blotch previously. I had felt strangely detached with the angel sitting beside me.

I now kicked out, swimming further, then squinted around in attempt to locate the light's source. No luck yet.

When the images returned, I noticed that the bar had remained lock up until the police arrived. I blacked out shortly after, and must have died on the way to the hospital. _How long ago was this?_ I thought with a spike of panic. _Do I even have a body to return to? Or will I just be lost… Drifting here forever?_

But as the replay ended and I struggled to make sense of my location, I began to realize what all of that had been.

In the theater, I was simply reviewing my entire life. It kept me distracted while the important details faded from my mind with each passing second. But this… This was entirely different. These small movies strengthened my memories. In fact, they highlighted the most defining moments of my life. Those were all the important details that led me to who I inevitably became. And now, hopefully, I could return and resume where it all had ended.

In fact, as I reached that final conclusion, certain areas of the endless body of water dimmed. I was now being led down a more visible path.

The depths below darkened to a deep and impenetrable blue, but above me the ocean still glimmered. So I abandoned my task of pushing forward, instead choosing to travel up. And with great relief, my surroundings only got brighter the further up I went.

Finally, I breached the surface, and my vision was filled with stark white.

* * *

 _It's too bright,_ I thought, attempting to open my eyes. Something in the background was beeping. The high pitch hurt my ears the slightest. Also, everything ached. My head throbbed from the lights, my legs were painfully still, and _oh God_ , my side. It was both sore and burning. Not to mention that I overall felt incredibly weak.

I attempted to move my arm. It shifted the slightest. Adjusting to the lack of strength and energy, I managed to weakly move my hand over to touch my right side. It was heavily bandaged, and hurt slightly to the touch. My face scrunched up in an unintentional wince.

"Christa?" A broken voice asked, snapping me into reality. I blinked multiple times, forcing my eyes to adjust so I could see her.

"Ymir" I rasped out. And just like that, with the simple utterance of _her_ name, the tears began to pour out of me like a summer rainstorm.

" _Baby_ " she breathlessly stated with all of the adoration and relief that this world allowed. As my vision slowly cleared, I watched her gingerly move around my idle body and the multitude of wires to lean over me, then gently kissed my forehead.

I felt a sudden drop on my cheek, and I quickly realized that she was crying as well. As Ymir settled back into her seat at my bedside, she reached up to wipe away the stream of tears. "Sorry" she said with a short laugh. "I just…" Then she hiccupped, and rested her elbows against the mattress beside me. "I thought I'd lost you. Your heart actually stopped. I… I've never been that scared."

I inched my hand over, as it was already on top of the sheets, to rest it next to hers. I didn't yet have the strength to place mine atop hers. Thankfully she understood the action, and immediately moved to grab mine. I released a pleasant sigh.

"Everyone said it was a miracle that you survived that amount of blood loss. Luckily you and Annie are the same type, so she donated as soon as she got here."

I smiled the slightest. "I'll have to remember to thank her" I added quietly. "Oh, did Mikasa get the job? It'd be great if they could move a little closer."

"If she did, I didn't hear anything." She laughed again and shook her head. "My fiancé's been on death's door. Do you really think people have been giving me status updates on their lives the past couple days?"

"That's how long I've been out? Two days?" I asked, too tired to laugh with her over the first part.

"Yeah. We were out Saturday and it's now Monday afternoon. You're going to have to stay here a little longer though."

"Is this going to be one of those shitty recoveries?" I questioned, attempting to find some humor in the stagnant topic. Ymir didn't appear to be very amused.

"We'll have to discuss those details with your doctor later" she informed, a distant look clouding her eyes.

"What?" I mumbled, searching her expression for answers.

Aside from the beeping monitor just a foot away, the entire room was silent. It'd been so long since I'd even stepped in a hospital. Was it usually this uncomfortably quiet? It made every moment feel at least twice as long.

"I never asked about it because I thought, everyone thought…"

"That I wasn't going to make it" I finished for her, knowing quite well how close I'd been to crossing over.

She nodded. "I was already grieving too. I'm just glad Annie and Mikasa made it here quickly. They helped me with the immediate legal crap, then took some vacation days so they could stay at our place and take care of Emmy. I wouldn't have even thought of the poor dog if they hadn't been here" she finished, resting her forehead against her palms.

"We have some pretty great friends." I paused, then released a shaking breath. "And I'm really glad I wasn't alone" I finally added, taking note of her haphazard appearance and red-rimmed eyes. She'd definitely been sleeping in here, most likely in that chair. I moved the thumb of my left hand to touch my engagement ring, when I instantly noticed its absence. I glanced over in alarm.

"Ymir, where's my ring?" I asked with a small hint of panic.

She quickly perked up and reached into her pocket, pulling out the aforementioned item. She ran her thumb along the smooth surface and presented it to me clearly. "One of the nurses gave it to me before we left the ambulance. Thankfully, too. I would have been freaked out over it getting lost among the surgeries, wires, and all that moving around. I figured I'd keep it safe for you until… You'd be able to wear it again." That lost look in her eyes returned.

I smiled gently at her. "Thank you. I'll put it back on when we get home."

She nodded and placed it carefully back in her pocket.

Even now that I was awake, she still seemed sad, and a bit broken. The entire ordeal must have seriously eaten away at her. We didn't live in a large town, so there had definitely been news anchors poking around where she wasn't comfortable. I wasn't sure if I wanted to see how the local media had portrayed the incident. But I knew that I'd have to face reality eventually. Being a direct victim, there'd be court trials in the future. Merely thinking about it sounded exhausting, but I knew that seeking proper justice was necessary.

Then, in an even realer sense, we both already foresaw the trauma that would follow. And indeed, it followed me for the rest of my life. At every engine backfire, or the abrupt boom of a firework, I'd cower.

Some nights I'd wake from my own nightmares to find Ymir holding me tightly, half-asleep and terrified that I'd disappeared. She was a lot more careful, in fact. She got nervous when I arrived home late, or if I took too long to answer a text.

If we were walking alone in the evening, even in a crowded space, she'd pull me closer and glance around wearily. The fear would stick with us for years, and even decades to come. It affected us in the small ways, and especially when we were least expecting it.

But we adapted. We had to learn to trust the rest of humanity again, and how to trust each other to be okay when alone. It was a daily battle, but one that we overcame through small steps.

"You haven't kissed me yet" I said within the still silence of the hospital room after Ymir placed the ring back into her pocket. She glanced back up, and her expression appeared to clear just the slightest. She shifted to rest above me once more, each movement calculated and cautious. Then she kissed me, softly and with a firm reassurance of her presence.

When we parted, I whispered "I love you" against her lips, and she did the same.

I repeated her name in my head like an old comfort; _Ymir_. I remembered her and everything that she meant to me. I held it all to my heart as my most precious possession. She was here, and we were together, and I was alive. And we were going to be okay. This much I was sure of.

* * *

 **AN: School starts next week! *panicked squealing* I completely miscalculated how much time I had left of summer, now I'm just stuck in between this state of panic and absolutely not giving a fuck. My problems aside, if you enjoyed this, go ahead and let me know! My lazy ass could always use a little more motivation, haha.**


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